i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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