The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
