Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize