fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
