Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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