Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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