i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
