dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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