I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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