Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
