our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
