wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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