Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
