there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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