then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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