I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
