There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
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