There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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