dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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