We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
