At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
