It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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