I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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