So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
