Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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