thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
