the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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