next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
