ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
