his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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