So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
