Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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