I didn't shave. On purpose
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
