I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
