i would punch a child for taco bell
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
