when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
