I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
COCAINE IS GR8
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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