Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
