gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
