dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
