this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
