dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
