The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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