he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
stop calling my apartment porn island.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize