do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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