Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
