We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
