So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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