Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
