The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
