You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
