It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
