mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
