he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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