how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
