i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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