i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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