Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
