Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
