If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
