if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
