i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
