It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
