Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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