There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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