I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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