So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
