Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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