I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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