I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
