apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize