i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
