Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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