idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
