I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
