in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
